11272006

firstly, thank you to all those who wished me a happy birthday :) it makes me extremely happy to know you guys remember(ed) me.

so, i just spent my thanksgiving break week (YES WE GET A WHOLE WEEK OFF!!!) in Los Angeles with my family. eating turkey and pumpkin pie and birthday cake all on the same day. it was freaking awesome! and i saw like...11 universities. applied to like...8. so keep your fingers crossed for me :)

1. [X] san francisco state university
2. [ ] california polytech pomona
3. [ ] california state university long beach
4. [ ] california state university fullerton
5. [ ] university of california berkeley (haven't submitted application yet, will tonight)
6. [ ] university of california irvine (haven't submitted application yet, will tonight)
7. [ ] university of california san diego (haven't submitted application yet, will tonight)
8. [ ] university of california los angeles (haven't submitted application yet, will tonight)
X= accepted :)

that's all for now. HAPPY BIRFDAY STEPHANY LAU!!!

11092006 - if you wanna i might

you take a seat right next to me
and I take my lit notes nervously
i've gotta stay calm i just want you to stay
i am always daydreaming
hoping you've dreamt of the same thing
i've gotta stay calm i don't want this to change

i've been assuming everything
hoping you'll soon mean everything
i've gotta stay calm i want this to be real
i don't think you're into me
but truely thats okay with me
i've gotta stay calm and find out how you feel

so if you wanna say 'i-i-i like you'
i might feel just like you
if you choose-choose not to
i knew you-you would

sometimes i think i am out of my league
and then sometimes I think i can dream
sometimes i wish i could be the one fish
that you choose out of all in the sea

we are non existant
but i'll try to be persistant
i've gotta keep on if want to be close to you
i know you're uninterested
im probably just some stupid kid
i could give up if you would want me to
(if you wanna i might - hellogoodbye)

11062006 - walking away from the darkness, and into the light

ideally, this is what i want my life to be right now. ideally, i would be that little kid in the picture holding this taller figure's hand (whomever he would be) (i would assume it would be a man, possibly some sort of fatherly-type figure), and he is leading me away from the darkened path, and towards/into the light. ideally, this is what i would want. but realistically, this is not what i'm going to get. my life is just about the opposite of this, completely reversed. i am NOT a child. i am NOT holding a man's hand. i am NOT walking away from the darness and into light. i AM rather, walking alone. i AM by myself - not a child, nor an adult. i AM walking, not necessarily away from the light, per se, but into the darkness. [this is all, of course, metaphorical and completely in my head.] my life is a black and white picture. a very colorless reality.

if words could explain and express the troubles of my heart, i would write them down. but since mere words cannot do such a thing, i am left with this picture.

walking away from the light, the answers and truth; walking into the darkness, the pain and wonder.

11032006

a bed of forget-me-nots

is love so prone to change and rot
we are fain to rear forget-me-not
by measure in a garden-plot?

i love its growth at large and free
by untrod path and unlopped tree,
or nodding by the unpruned hedge,
or on the water's dangerous edge
where flags and meadowsweet blow rank
with rushes on the quaking bank.
love is not taught in learning's school,
love is not parcelled out by rule:
hath curbed or call an answer got?-
so free must be forget-me-not.
give me the flame no dampness dulls,
the passion of the instinctive pulse,
love steadfast as a fixèd star,
tender as doves with nestlings are,
more large than time, more strong than death:
this all creation travails of-
she groans not for a passing breath-
this is forget-me-not and love.

-christina rossetti

i like it :) the whole thing.